


Party of Two

by Wiccy



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Bar Room Brawl, Dwarf, Elves, Gen, Half-Human, Half-orc, Human, Original Character(s), gnome - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 10:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16061633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccy/pseuds/Wiccy
Summary: Some drunken tavern shenanigans.





	Party of Two

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bonster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bonster/gifts).



Road weary and in need of a good meal, many an adventurer often found themselves in random inns or dive bars in the unsavory parts of whatever town they happen to be passing in their travels. This night was no different than the others, except perhaps for the presence of Galphina. Kitah had somehow acquired the little Gnome woman as a traveling companion after helping to thwart a raid on a small pop-up market. Apparently, when you save a gnome's life it doesn't matter if it was an inadvertent result of your enjoyment of getting to smash in someone's face and add some teeth to your collection, or that you hadn't actually even seen said gnome when you targeted said face. They still clung to you like a goblin on garbage.

And so Galphina was just suddenly there when Kitah made camp that night, offering to make the night's meal, mend her chain shirt and basically being annoyingly adorable. Then she continued to be there. All the time. Kitah still wasn't sure how Galph had managed that, she was sure she'd told the gnome to go away more times than she cared to keep track of and yet her small companion remained. She couldn't lie that Galphina's magic as well as her skill for going unnoticed hadn't come in handy several times over the past several weeks or that she was, begrudgingly, beginning to really like the little tinker-tot, but the half-orc was so used to being on her own that is was difficult to accept the budding friendship.

Galphina, for her part was simply happy to have a new friend who she could follow on such exciting adventures. She had no doubt that her clan would be looking for her, but life as a traveling merchant had become so boring that she had no desire to return any time soon. Besides, she'd sent them a letter to let them know she was alive and well so that would be that and she was free to continue helping her new friend. Her head swiveled around, greenish yellow eyes wide with delight at all the interesting people and happenings in the tavern around them. It was all quite fun, even if she was sticking a bit to the muck covered floor.

Kitah raised a massive hand, two olive green fingers extended from the fist to indicate the number of ales she was ordering. The barkeeper gave a nod of understanding before turning to pull two mugs from the shelving behind him. A small grunting sound from somewhere around her knees drew Kitah's attention. She looked down to find Galphina attempting, and failing, to climb up the half-orc sized barstool in front of her. Galphina was on the small side, even for a gnome, standing no more than a few inches over two and a half feet on her tippy-toes and definitely wasn't the most athletic of beings. With a roll of her eyes Kitah reached down and grabbed a handful of the back of Galphina's rusty red colored tunic and lifted her from the floor.

“Wheeeeeee!” Galphina exclaimed, tiny arms flapping as if she were some kind of bizarre bird in flight.

Kitah rolled her eyes again and deposited Galphina onto the worn wooden top of the stool as the barkeeper slid one of the ordered ale's toward her and the other toward Galph. Galphina's eyes lit up and she wiggled the fingers of her outstretched hands in anticipation, leaning toward the mug that was practically as big as her head. Galph slid her hands around to the back of the tankard – still standing on the stool she looked like she was hugging it – and without warning or ceremony she thrust her face into the ale. The sloppy slurping sounds coming from her vicinity continued until Galph's entire was body, less on tippy toe, was on the bartop and all the ale was gone. The elf to the other side of them, his own mug held suspended between the bar and his mouth, looked horrified, disgusted, and vaguely offended – so basically the same way elves always looked. The bartender looked impressed.

Galph pulled her face out of the tankard, slid back onto the stool, and grinned a wet frothy grin up at Kitah.

“A...” she hiccuped, “another?”

Kitah chuckled and shook her head, her fat black braids swinging back and forth from where they were pulled together at the nape for her neck. She lifted her own mug, downed the contents, and slapped down a few gold coins on the wood of the bartop.

“Keep 'em coming. And food, meat.”

“And fwuits and heee... hee... heaps of tubbers tubies!” Galph added with another series of hiccups.

“And some gnome feed.” Kitah grabbed Galph's tunic again and hoisted her from the stool, “we'll find a table.”

The barkeeper nodded again and Kitah, with her hand full of already half drunken gnome, turned toward the wider tavern in search of an empty table. Along the back wall, a fire crackling in the fireplace behind it, was a large hearth that was clearly also used as an informal stage. It currently played host to a tall, wispy, possibly half elven bard halfheartedly picking away at lute.

All of the tables closest to the fire were occupied, as were any that were situated in the corners or darker, more private areas of the place. In fact, the only currently unoccupied table seemed to be a small, two person set-up placed in front of the tavern's single dingy window. With a shrug Kitah made her way to the table and deposited Galph on one of the chairs then wandered off toward the fireplace. She'd noticed the small pile of firewood thrown in the little built in niche to one side of it, which was where she stopped and knelt down. She reached in and pulled out a particularly flat looking log, made her way back to the table, and plopped it down on the seat of Galphina's chair before taking the other chair for herself. Glaph made some adjustments then happily settled on to her improvised booster seat.

As they waited for their food and drink to arrive Galphina watched Kitah, through the slight haze of ale soaked vision. She was leaning back, sprawled in her chair, one leg haphazardly flung forward in front of her and the opposite arm hanging over the back of the chair. To the casual observer she would be the picture of leisure, but on closer inspection the half orcs eyes were scanning the room, assessing, watching, seeking potential danger and opportunity. It seemed to Galpina that Kitah was always on guard, never fully relaxed, always expecting an ambush or seeking a fight. It was like she didn't know how to let go and just... be. It all lead back to her childhood and how she was raised, she was sure of it. The midnight raids on other clans, the brutal orcish rites of passage, family arm wrestling night. One day she would get other woman to tell her all about it. Until then she was content to simply let her imagination fill in all the details. She considered herself to be very good at reading people and an excellent judge of character so the tale she'd written in her head couldn't be too far off from the truth anyway. Galphina leaned forward, legs dangling over the log, and propped her head up with one arm. With her hand cupped under her chin and her little body listing to one side, she smiled up at Kitah as she allowed her brain to continue its ongoing tales of Kitah's past.

The ale arrived first, two each in tankards the same size as the first. A short time later a tavern girl in brightly colored skirts delivered two heaping plates of food. As she followed the plated and their contents with her gaze Kitah's eyes landed on the gnome's face and she raised an eyebrow at her.

“What?” she asked as she slipped the busy service girl a coin.

“You were such a feisty child.” Came the reply from around a bit of mushy yellow veg.

“You're fucking weird you know that?”

Galphina nodded happily as they both tucked into their plates. Kitah was a little over halfway done with her meal when she felt something warm and moist smack into one of the shaved sides of her head. She reached up to wipe at the spot and discovered a bit of dark orange mush smeared across her fingers. She narrowed her eyes at the room, but nobody seemed to be paying any attention in her direction so she went back to her meal. The next glob was green and chunky and landed with a wet thud next to her plate. Kitah's eyes shot up. Galphina was snickering bubbles into her mug of ale and trying much too hard not to look at her.

“Stop it.”

Galphina put down her mug with an unconvincing incredulous look and raised her hands in a gesture clearly meant to ask 'who me?' Kitah cocked her head to one side and narrowed her eyes at the gnome.

“I mean it. Stop it. I'll have your ale.” She stared Galph down for a few more moments before once again attempting to finish her food.

Thirty seconds later she felt a whoosh of air as something whizzed past her left ear.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” The deep gravelly voice came from somewhere behind her about a millisecond later.

“Ooopsie doodle,” Galphina's eye went wide as they attempted to focus over Kitah's shoulder, her little hand flew up to cover her giggling mouth.

Kitah closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath as she heard the sound of a chair being pushed across the floor and clattering to the ground as it was vacated too swiftly. She didn't have to be scholar to know what was coming next. Well, at least she'd gotten to eat most of her food this time and she was probably going to get to punch someone soon so there was that too.

When she opened her eyes again a large, barrel chested human – though it appeared as though one of his parents might have mated with an ogre – stood at their table. Red-faced and menacing, his sparse dark hair matted down around the sides of his pale head, he loomed above them, flanked on either side by two smaller, but equally ugly companions. The smallest of the three was a dwarven man with a wild, unkempt red beard and a massive war hammer on his back. Under normal circumstances Kitah would label him as the biggest threat and mark him as her highest priority. At the moment, however, the wetness of his eyes, ruddiness of his cheeks, and the swaying of his stance betrayed that he was likely half an ale away from falling down and not getting up until well past breakfast. Ogre man's other friend, also a human, looked average, but fragile. That made him either a tradesman or some kind of magic wielder so it was best to take him out of the equation as soon as possible. Leaving Ogre man as the only real physical threat of the group. Kitah smirked, one side of her mouth quirking upward slightly. This was going to be fun.

“Oh, ya think this is funny do ya?” Ogre man glared down at Kitah clearly intent on intimidating the half orc into submission.

It was too bad for him and his buddies that she'd already done all the submitting she ever intended to do in her life. “I do a bit, yeah. Little Galph always finds a way to entertain me when she's drunk.”

He bristled and bared his yellowing teeth. With a low growl he moved his hand forward and gave it a little shake. The brownish colored blob on his fingers – probably whatever food bits Galph had flung at him – dropped into her one remaining, thus far untouched tankard of ale. It broke the surface with a plop and displaced liquid sloshed up and over the sides of the tankard, trailing down the outside it pooled around the bottom on the surface of the table.

“Think it's funny now tusk face?”

“Wasted ale is never funny. Especially when it's mine.” She picked up the fork at the side of her plate and very deliberately pierced a piece of meat bringing it to her mouth. She didn't break eye-contact even while she chewed and swallowed.

“You probably want to go back to your seats before someone else claims them or you hurt yourselves with that sharp wit.” She waved the fork in vaguely at them in a dismissive gesture.

“You should wrap up yer face too,” he indicated the stained and tattered, no longer white wraps that traveled from knuckle to elbow around both of her heavily muscled arms, “ain't no folks want to see that dreck you call a face while they trying to have a meal or a drink, right enough turn a stomach.”

His two compatriots laughed. He clearly wanted this fight as much as Kitah did.

“You're one to talk.” Galphina's voice loudly slurred it's way into the fray. “I've seen goblin leavings more attractive than you, Mr. Ogrebuttface!”

Ogre man's head turned toward Galph with a snap. “What's ya just say to me, ya little mushroom sucker?”

“I said,” the gnome drunkenly climbed her way up from her log and onto to table, clearly thinking it would somehow make her physical presence more intimidating, but considering that she was still at least a foot shorter than he was, it didn't. “YOU. ARE. SUPER. UGLY.”

She pronounced the words loudly and slowly, a bit of prestidigitation magic making her voice unnaturally loud, and emphasized each of them with a poke of her finger into his deceptively solid belly. Somewhere in the minuscule portion of her mind still not soaked in ale Galphina knew that what she was doing was, without a single doubt, absolutely insane and yet she couldn't seem to stop herself from doing it. As the laughter from the tables around them filtered into her ears, she watched the anger behind his bulbous eyes turn to rage. She saw the muscles in his arm twitch and knew before he'd even moved that she was about to feel the physical force of that rage.

Galph squeezed her eyes shut and braced for the coming impact as the meaty fist bore down on her. She waited. There was a grunt. More waiting. No blow came. She peeped one eye open in a squinting wink, her small round nose still scrunched upward toward her forehead then slowly let the other follow. Half a foot from her head, and slightly blurry in her intoxicated vision, was the back of Kitah's hand with it's green knuckles peaking out above the wrappings as the fingers wound tightly around the brutish man's wrist. Kitah just held it there, staring up into the would be assailants face with both warning and challenge in her eyes. He was clearly throwing a great deal of his effort into finishing the squashing he'd intended. She had hadn't even bother to stand up yet.

In the space between that moment and the next, everything happened. Ogre man made to move his other arm and Kitah tugged him hard, downward toward the table. Galphina squealed, scamper backward to the floor and retreated behind her chair for cover. Having finally gotten to her feet, Kitah's hand moved from Ogre man's wrist to the back of his neck, pushing his face and upper torso into the table top as she lunged at the maybe wizard with her other hand. The fork she still held there lodged itself firmly into his upper torso just between the collarbone and shoulder joint. He cried out in pain, one hand instinctively moving toward the injury. Using the fork like a handle, Kitah pulled him away from the dwarf and then swung him back again. Releasing her grip at the top of the swing she allowed the maybe wizard's momentum to fling him into the hammer wielding man, who was currently struggling to pull his weapon from its place.

Maybe wizard hit red beard square in the chest, the force sending them both tumbling backward into the table behind them. The occupants of the table scattered as it, and the two would be combatants, crashed to the floor in a half broken heap. The dwarf, either from the drink or a knock to the head during the fall, lay unconscious while his friend the maybe wizard curled in on himself moaning in agony. Around the bar, people began placing bets and the bard's lute strummed with a more intense melody.

“Kitah, LOOK OUT!” Galphina's voice suddenly seemed much more sober.

Kitah saw the flash of movement from the corner of her eye just before the strike landed allowing her the moment of reaction she needed to turn a world shaking wallop into a glancing blow. Ogre man's fist slide down her jaw and off the side of her chin. She sidestepped and turned toward him. The dance had begun. They exchanged jabs, each testing the other. It was clear that Ogre man was stronger, but he had no skill. She could use that.

She moved in, her body more agile that it seemed to have any right to be, and pummeled his gut with a flurry of blows before moving away again. She blocked his incoming right, but allowed his left to make contact. It stung the side of her cheek just below her eye, it was definitely going to leave a mark, but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. It was time to go fishing. She staggered backward a few steps and shook her head, eyes blinking as if she were dazed. His triumphant grin told her he'd taken the bait. She dropped her shoulders and reeled him in.

He came at her, all power and no grace, swing from the hip, and pushing with both legs. Such a fatal rookie mistake. It had been the end of so many big, powerful fighters in the arena and it would be same here. She held out until he was at the point of no return and then she swiveled to the left, evading the swinging fist entirely. His eyes widened as his upper body sailed past her. He'd over-committed, she could see the moment he realized it, but there was nothing he could do. His own power now worked against him and she was about to add hers to the mix. She reached out and grabbed him by tunic and trousers then she lifted and pushed him harder, sending him faster along his trajectory. His feet left the ground and he raised his arms to form a protective shield in front of his face and head.

Then there were the sounds of gasps from the tavern's patrons and shattering of glass as he sailed through the grimy window. Smiling with feral glee Kitah leaped forward, one foot pushing off the seat of the chair she'd previously vacated and followed him through. Galphina could here the sounds of the fight continuing out in the darkened ally way. Due to both her height and the small crowd now gathered around it to watch out the broken window there was no way she was going to be able to follow through the same newly made exit.

“Hey! Who's gonna pay for this mess?” she heard the barkeep's voice yell over the din of excitement as she tried to weave her way toward the front door.

“Oh, ummm...” she scanned the room, eyes alighting on the fallen dwarf.

She made her way as quickly as she could back to his unconscious form and began to pat him down. His friend had been dragged closer to the fire where a few bystanders were attempting to tend to his wounded shoulder. He was sweaty, still moaning, and looked as if he were about to pass out. Galphina shrugged and continued to search the dwarf. After a moment she found his coin pouch and relieved him of it. It had some heft. She opened it and grinned.

“This should cover it,” the three platinum pieces landed with a clank on the bar, “thanks for the yummies and sorry about all... that.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.” the barkeeper wasn't even listening anymore, all his attention was now on the coins shining up at him from the wooden surface.

More time had passed than Galphina would have liked since the fight had moved outside and she last saw Kitah. The Half Orc may have had the upper hand then, but her opponent was really big and anything can happen when you don't have someone watching your back. She picked up her pace, her short legs carrying her as fast as they could around he side of the building and into the alleyway. The darkness covering the scene not being an issue, her eyes quickly found the remains of the fight. Kitah was on her knees, thighs straddling the prone form of her adversary. His arms were raised, hands shoving urgently but weakly at her shoulders. She was still swinging, both fists landing heavy blow after heavy blow to his chest and face. She had some cuts and scrapes on her bare shoulders. He was a bloodied mess. As Galphina got closer she could hear that Kitah was speaking between the punches, using them to emphasize her words.

“And.”

Punch.

“Never.”

Punch.

“Ever.”

Punch.

“Threaten.”

Punch.

“My.”

Punch.

“Gnome.”

Punch.

Arms now tired she stopped punching. His arms fell like limp noodles sprawled out at his sides. She was breathing heavily from the excitement and the effort of the brawling. He barely seemed to be breathing at all. She rose slightly and placed one knee squarely into his chest. The pressure causing Ogre man to have to open his mouth for air.

“I'll just take this to help remind you for next time.”

She reached her fingers into his open mouth, wrapped them around one of his large incisors and pulled, ripping both tooth and scream from inside the the spacious cavity. Pushing to her feet Kitah slipped the tooth inside a pouch on her belt, later it would join the rest of her trophy teeth on the braided leather strand adorning her neck.

Galphina joined Kitah in standing over Ogre man's half conscious form and gave him the mightiest kick in the side that she could muster. Her grunt was louder than his at the contact.

“Yeah! You big ugly meanie! Don't pick on me!” she kicked him again.

“Come on, tiny terror,” Kitah wiped the blood from her mouth and nose, a few more stains to decorate her wraps, and hoisted Galphina up into a piggyback carry. “I need another ale and some sleep.”

“And his sleepy red haired dwarf friend is more than happy to pay for both.” Galph singsonged as she dangled the heavy coin pouch over Kitah's shoulder with a little shake.

Kitah took the offered pouch and looked inside. “Looks like we're heading to the good side of town.”

“Does this place even have a good side of town?”

“Looks like we're headed to the okayish side of town,” the half orc corrected after a beat.

Their ringing laughter echoed around the ally long after they themselves had vanished into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you've enjoyed my first dive into writing in the D&D universe. Kitah is actually my real life Pathfinder character and Galphina was created specially for this fic, because when your recipient asks for a gnome, you give the the best, most adorable gnome you can muster.
> 
> As a side note I enjoyed writing these two so much that I think this might be the first of a series. Maybe this party of two will some day become a party of more?


End file.
